Entirely agree and consider myself corrected. Having read your commentary/critique I now realize the error(s) of my ways.

The fact that the Son does NOT bed the blond is another twist in the tale…and I’m glad they don’t “do it.” But, yes, it looks like some shenanigans would be taking place the moment Annette Funnicello stops singing that stupid song at the end.

1) I THINK ViniViciVidiriana returns to the estate mostly because the police order her to do so. First, they probably want to question her. Second, Don Pervo left part of his estate to her, so there’s paperwork to be filled out.

2) Although the douchebag son is certainly jonesing for V, and the ending definitely implies that they will be “splitting the sheets” soon… I don’t BELIEVE they actually split the sheets during the course of the film.

Belle de Jour and Diary of a Chambermaid also have a high titillation factor, but without ever actually showing you much of anything. Bunuel has a well-developed sense of the humor in the perverse.

In the film “Psycho” you follow Janet Leigh and then BOOM! She’s dead. In the film “Million Dollar Baby” (BIG SPOILER HERE, SKIP DOWN TO THE END OF THE PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW) – the film-makers set up a version of “Chick Rocky” only, half-way through, turn it into a film about the right to live or die – didn’t see that one coming did you? (SPOILER OVER, YOU CAN CONTINUE READING)

A good example of the “passive” reversal (the one I don’t agree with) is you have a story about a guy who wants to go to a store and get milk. He stops at Home Depot, though, and buys some screws. He leaves to go to the store, and then he stops at the Post Office and buys some stamps. Golly, he doesn’t have enough money, so he goes to the ATM and gets some cash but then, eventually, he shows up at the store to get milk. It doesn’t change the story so much as the story throws in a few bumps. A good example of the stronger reversal is that he goes to get milk, gets abducted by aliens, fights for the federation, becomes a hero, dies in the arms of a beautiful 8 breasted alien woman. Did he get the milk? NO F**CKIN’ WAY! THAT’S a reversal.

Why do I go into all this? Well, lets look at our film today: “Viridiannananana” (forgot to write down the actual title and too lazy to change it now). Whenever you tell (or listen) to a story – the person you’re telling the story to usually tries to anticipate where the story is going. It’s like telling a joke. If you tell someone you’ve got a joke, the person listening is always going to think the same things: 1. Have I heard this joke before? 2. I bet I can guess the punch line. Sure, you would like the listener to be a blank slate – but in this day and age, it doesn’t really happen (unless you’re telling the joke to a four year-old). NOTE: It’s usually the most obscure but logical punch-line that gets the biggest laugh.

Now, this is all human nature. And it’s the same with films. After you’ve sat in your seat and glued your eyes to the screen, there’s a natural tendency to think in your head: “Hmmm, I wonder where this story is headed. I bet that he’s going to hook up with her. I wonder if she’s going to be naked at some point in this film. I bet he’s going to die a horrible death.” And, sadly, with more an more previews showing MORE AND MORE of the film, this practice gets more wide spread: “Wait, in the preview I saw… And there’s that point in the preview where… Oh, here’s that scene in the preview…” And, sadly, this even goes to the POSTER. Where not only is there some sort of photo on the poster maybe showing part of the film (girl’s red coat in the poster of “Schindler’s List”) that is significant or even the box around the rating that now says things like: “Pervasive language throughout, strong sexual content, nudity.” If I read that and then hunker down in my $10 seat I’m thinking: “Okay, matey, where’s my pervasive language throughout? Where’s my strong sexual content? Where’s my nudity?” Did you notice those things are more selling points now then they are a warning? I’m waiting to see a film that didn’t live up to the “ratings box” and go out and complain to the box office: “You know, the ratings box said: nudity. I don’t think one breast and a man’s buttocks could really be considered nudity. Maybe PARTIAL nudity, but not nudity. When you’ve got a ratings box that says NUDITY, I expect NUDITY!! Gimmee my money back.”

Okay, enough of my musings. Back to “Viridanabananarama”

“Virdi” as I’ll call her is a nun. Well, not a nun YET. She’s JUST ABOUT to take her final vows and get the “I’m Still A Virgin” merit badge and learn the secret handshake and all those things when her uncle writes (begs) that she come and hang out on the farm for a few days. She’s hesitant. Hasn’t seen him in a while, thinks he’s kind of creepy, or something but the Mother Superior suggests she go hang out. And who is to deny the MS? Besides, the Uncle is dying and he won’t be around much longer.

She arrives and I’m thinking: “Okay, cool, here’s where the story is going…She’s going to show up and revitalize the old guy. The house will become alive again with love and faith and it’s “Sound of f**king Music” without the kids…” It will be a sweet story about love and forgiveness and she’ll return to the convent all ready to take the vows and move forward….

BUT WAIT!! Reversal ahead.

The house is in disrepair. It’s all falling apart and the Uncle lives there with his servants who live in servants’ quarters and he’s “dying” which means he looks and acts JUST FINE. He’s not bed-ridden, he doesn’t have a hacking cough, he doesn’t stumble around in a delirious state. Nope. He’s as fine as a spring day.

Virdi makes herself to home with her icons and crowns of thorns and prayer mats, etc. and when she finally takes off all her “nunnery” she’s one hot tamale (which, of course, means she ain’t going into the convent, no way, no how).

There’s some discussion about the Uncle’s estranged son, and some discussion about a little girl who jumps rope, and there’s some talk of the Uncle’s wife who died or something and then creepy uncle starts putting the moves on his niece (after wearing his ex-wife’s shoes and attempting to put on a girdle) – DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMIN’ DIDJA?

The Uncle begs her to marry him, drugs her espresso, puts the moves on her while she’s passed out and then tells her she’s no longer a virgin. Though he didn’t actually “deflower” her (the maid even checks the sheets).

Virdi is freaked out! Who wouldn’t? So she does the sensible thing and heads to the bus to go home where, I assume, she’ll struggle with what happened. With the questions she’s got about faith and family and why would God allow this to happen, but still take her vows when…, just as she’s about to leave, the police show up. She needs to come back to the estate.

“Dying” Uncle is actually dead. By his own hand. With the jump rope. DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMIN’ DIDJA?

Instead of doing the logical thing (like going back to the convent) she decides to stay on the farm and kick it back into gear using the local homeless, sick and blind. (Oh! I know where this story is going now! She’s going to have them all turn the house into a beautiful estate. She’ll bring them all to God. They’ll all live happily ever after. And this happens…for a little while…)

But, wait, who’s that at the door? It’s the estranged son. One of those suave Italian men who only have to blow smoke rings and women flock to them – AND THEY KNOW IT! And he shows up with a gal he’s SLEEPING WITH – he’s not married to her. SCANDAL! DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMIN’ DIDJA?
(Okay, I kinda saw that one coming.)

But, you know, it’s just a matter of time before he and Virdi are splitting the sheets what with her “am I still a virgin or am I not?” going through her head.

The homeless, sick and blind all start helping out around the estate and Virdi says prayers with them and helps them, and lets them sleep and eat in the servants quarters and it’s all going swell (I’m surprised she didn’t burst into song).

But what of Mr. Corinthian Leather? Well, he’s putting the moves on the maid, Ramona (DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMIN’ DIDJA?) after his girlfriend leaves – assuming he’s going to be all over Virdi like fuzz on a peach.

Still, there are some estate things that need to be worked out – so they have to travel to the big city for a day or so and everyone leaves (including Ramona and the jump-roping obsessed daughter)! DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMIN’ DIDJA?

With the royalty gone, what should the rabble do? But break into the house and have one of those parties that would fit perfectly well in an 80’s John Hughes comedy (except for the hallelujah chorus and the overt religious symbolism). And party they do! The wine flows, the food gets eaten, the fine linens get splashed, sex(!) happens, there’s a moment when they all sit at the table like Christ at the last supper so that one of the gals can “take their picture” – instead she flashes them her yahoo – see JUST LIKE AN 80’S JOHN HUGHES COMEDY! DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMIN’ DIDJA? (okay, I’ll stop.)

As the party gets worse and worse, just like an 80’s John Hughes comedy, the family comes home. The JIG IS UP! And the next thing you know, Mr. Suavy Suave is tied up and Virdi is thrown on the bed to be raped. At least, at this point, Mr. Smoke Rings convinces one of the homeless to bludgeon the rapist to death. Cops show up. DIDN’T SEE…sorry…

Cut to the morning (or the next day, or the next evening). WAS Virdi raped? Did Mr. Cool Italian Stud come to her rescue, take her in his arms and protect her? We don’t know because, again, we cut to morning (or the next day, or the next evening).

Yes, Virdi is traumatized, but Mr. Cool shows some compassion and while an absolutely stupid 60’s tune plays he invites her to stay with him and Ramona for what I can only assume is the beginning of Mr. Curly Chest Hair’s harem.

FIN!

(Oh, and there’s a quick shot of the girl tossing Virdi’s “crown of thorns” into a fire and pulling it out and letting it burn outside the pit. Representative of, I think, Virdi’s loss of faith? Her burning desire for some real lovin’?)

WHAT I LIKED:

***Ponder*** I thought that this film bordered on the 60’s sexploitation films that played in drive-ins around the country. You know, films with titles like: “Kissin’ Cuzin’s!” and “Agent 69!” If the film actually sprinkled in nudity and took out all the religious symbolism it would probably have had a long run at the Sno-King Drive in.

I really DID like the twists and turns to the story. It kept me hopping and kept me intrigued. The acting was passable and the creepiness of the uncle I found both disturbing and hilarious.

There were a number of moments that were very funny though in a cringe inducing way (Isn’t it funny how they make fun of the leporsy guy? Isn’t it funny how they’re trashing the house?)

Actress playing Virdi…very attractive.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE:

Well…there’s the whole: “I’m a handsome stud here to have sex with you all and protect you from all the bad people – like all them homeless scum you let in.” The fact that there were few people with any sort of redeeming quality (even the maid drugs her drink) left me thinking I’d rather spend time doing something else.

As I noted above, the religious symbolism seemed to run a bit rampant (and I probably missed some other moments).

Broken record moment: I’m SICK AND TIRED of DUBBED SOUND! Throughout the film it sounds like they’re talking in an echoy studio saying their lines – which, of course, they are.

BOTTOM LINE:

This is a curious film. It certainly did not go the direction(s) I assumed it would go – which is a good thing – but I feel that the film was just this side of two breasts and a bare buttocks from being just another exploitation film that doesn’t add up to a whole lot – other than being titillating.