FIFI LYRICS 6: EVERYBODY SHOULD LOVE EACH OTHER AND LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY

EVIL DAIRY PRODUCTS

(Part I of “Evil Dairy Products”)

We were sailors on the lightwaves
Spanning the galaxies
Heading for our homeworld
The land of milk and cheese

‘Til on your backward planet
We were forced to ditch
When somebody, somewhere
Threw the wrong switch

Storming through the nations
Committing atrocities
We are evil; we are milk
We are wicked; we are cheese

When somebody, somewhere
Pulled the wrong lever
They stranded us in
This prison forever

Your blinding yellow sun
Makes our curds run hot
Smell our stinky madness
When our cream starts to rot

With grim determination
We killed the parents of He’s
We are evil; we are milk
We are wicked; we are cheese

Mozzarella stormtroops
Marching from the dairy aisle
Berserker butter bloodbath
Shouting out, “CHEESE HEIL!”

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
We’re just malicious milk
Sacrilegious sour cream

We’re all for colorization
Of black and white movies
We are evil; we are milk
We are wicked; we are cheese

We never will return
To the planet of our birth
And so we will destroy
This planet you call Earth

When all your flags are burning
And your kings are overthrown
When your discos are all closed up
THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE
THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE
HI HO THE DAIRY-O
THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE

Causing constipation
And hardening arteries
We are evil; we are milk
We are wicked; we are cheese

AFRICAN DISEQUILIBRIUM

Millions of people
Living only on bananas
Families of 47
Living in one-room mud huts

They can’t speak English
Cry for the Dark Continent
If only for this
And that they do not have… MTV

Weep for Mother Afrika
And her Pseudo-Euro-Afro-Quasi-Communism
Hate and prejudice reign as dictators in Afrika
And they lack modern sewage disposal systems

Don’t look for Fotomats in Afrika
For this is a symbol of purity and righteousness
A deity not recognized by native heathens
For, though they own the Suez Canal, they know not of Yamaha Jetskis

Weep for Mother Afrika
As she weeps for you
And holds out her trembling hand, waiting
For you to proffer the gift of non-stick Teflon frying pans

Weep Weep Weep A Lot
Weep Weep Weep A Lot
Weep Weep Weep A Lot
Weep Weep Weep A Lot

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING (Sweating Zithers)

Movement 1: The Complete, Total, Absolute, Utter Obliteration and Destruction of Everything That Is, Was, or Ever Will Be, or Ever Won’t Be, Either

In the valley of death, we have no life
In time, Charon will come
The clash of swords against metal
Will strike the people dumb

Up in the mountains, there is no sound
There is no war above

Movement 2: Woman

But all that you can ever do
Is say, “She is a bunch of poo.”
(POO: A synonym for “DOO-DOO”)
She makes a sound known as “MOO.”

Movement 3: Stanley the Cat’s Colonic Phantasm

Dashboard decals absorb cosmic cat food
Garage door openers slaughter toilet paper spools
Empty beer bottles wincing in pain
Sucked through my tape deck; x-raying fools

Movement 4: To Cudgel (One’s Brains)

I think that it would be neat
If someone gave me a beet
I would sit here in my seat
Sadly facing my defeat

Llama flying overhead
Gamma rays: ZAP! You’re dead!
I can’t see anymore red
Just what Momma must have said

Movement 5: And Now… Annette’s Anti-Anathematizational Analysis
(Mountlake Terrace Senior High School Cafeteria, 11/84, F.A.R.T.S. Benefit Concert,
courtesy of Roxanne Bjornson Mobile Recording)

It would be beautiful if we could be
Free to be… you and me
Everybody should love each other
And live in peace and harmony

Can’t you – Whoo, baby now
Can’t you – I said, my baby
Can’t you – can’t you see?
Whoooooo! Oh yes, I feel it

Movement 6: Blind Man in a Revolving Door

Movement 7: Slumbering Somnolence
While Sleeping (Reprise)

Watch me, friend, when I sleep
Don’t make even a little peep
My, the oceans are so deep
Through the ceiling rain does seep

Movement 8: Cozy Malevolence; “Distended” Geese

Please wear undergarments while trying on swimwear
Children’s brains controlled by laser bricks
Morty the Mission Meatball hijacking escalators
Coatroom, Hatcheck and Walking Stick

Movement 9: Soliloquy for Two People

You know, boys and girls
Your elbow is your friend
“You call these cookies squirrels?”
Hierarchists invade North Bend

Movement 10: Bob Barker’s Infamous
Cannibalistic Rodential Veterinarianism

Would you look at these mice?
They’re infested with icky lice
They look just like yummy rice
I’ll eat them – for the right price

Movement 11: An Important Message from He’s

Arbitrations Infestations
Decapitations Ken-L-Rations
Underestimations
Can’t we make any sense?

Space Grace
Ace Mace
Can you be a big man now?

Race Chase
Face Place
Can you pluck your left eyebrow?

Figurations Damnations
Indications Battle Stations
Congratulations
Why must we be so dense?

Movement 12: O Heed the Exhortations of fifi, Yea, the Prescient Pooch

When all this is said and done
It’ll be over – you’ll have won
Never look up at the sun
It looks like… a hot dog bun