THE SPRINGFIELD MYSTERY SPOT!
FACT: Only two birthday parties are recorded in the Bible. FACT: Both were celebrated by pagans. FACT: Both ended with the martyring of a true believer. CONCLUSION: No Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots on June 22 for Jason.
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TWO CONVERSATIONS ABOUT ONE THING
"Scum of the earth, I tell ya." He nearly spat the words at me. "Filthy, lowlife scum of the earth," he added, clarifying his previous comment.
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GRIEF: IT’S WHAT’S FOR DINNER!
I assume this is normal toxic fallout from our recent cross-country move and subconsciously I’m grappling with the separation from loved ones, or it could simply be that I’m eating dinner too late.
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TAKE THAT, ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.!
In Massachusetts, however, you would simply rocket off the first highway and, without decreasing your speed in the slightest, shoot blindly into the whirling, deadly traffic of The Rotary - which we now refer to as “The Killin’ Wheel” - and then aim your car at the exit spoke, put the pedal to the metal, and hope for the best.
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THE THREE COMPLAINTS OF JASON TOEWS
I have come to believe that the resident in Unit 73 - in clear violation of Regency Park Community Association policy - is operating a breeding and training facility for Mexican fighting dogs, or else some kind of long-term boarding kennel for incontinent llamas.
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MAX AND JASON: DAYS 9 AND 10
On our journey across these United States, Max and I drove over 3600 miles. Now, if Max hadn’t drifted off onto I-94, that number would be about 250 miles lower, but still: That’s quite a drive.
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MAX AND JASON: DAY 8
If you plan on staying at the Courtyard Marriott in Washington, D.C., make sure you request the “adult-size” sheets. Otherwise, they may give you the baby sheets.
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MAX AND JASON: DAY 7
Like Harvey Keitel in “Bad Lieutenant” I wanted to bust a cap in that damn radio’s ass, but I kept my service revolver holstered and we eventually arrived in Washington, D.C.
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